Annual Maintenance

It rolls around every year-the annual poke and prod day, whereby reasonably health conscious souls subject themselves to various and sundry small humiliations and tortures. Let's start with the weigh in. I know last year I got to give up the pee sample before I weighed. Not so this year. Can I tell you how much water I drink before I go to these things in order to be able to pee on demand? A lot. I mean - a lot. I figure I can defeat the whole pressure of pee on demand by flooding the system. I feel sure that accounted for a good 5-10 lbs of the end result this year (yes 5-10 lbs, don't dispute me). Then there is the starvation. Honestly, they could tell me I have 2 weeks to live. My only response would be to hurry up and take the @#$@ blood so I can eat. I get cranky with no food and no coffee. Next is the paper towel they give you to put on. Seriously? There must have been budget cuts because last year it was a paper gown. This year--a paper shirt and a long piece of paper to "wrap around the bottom." I swear it was just a long roll of paper towel, no tie, no snap, no piece of tape. Nothing but a firm grip on the edges between me and an X rating. Surely it can't be much longer before we can just step into a scanning machine that does everything including leaving your dignity intact. I sure hope it hits the market before next year. My dignity bruises easily.